I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
