i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize