About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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