he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
