Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
