The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
