I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
