Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
