ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize