I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
