Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
