Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
