Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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