are you so shy because you have an std?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
