It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
