Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
