Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
