I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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