We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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