If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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