dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
