I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
