Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
