So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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