took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
