Having a random hookup so left but love u
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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