Dignity is for republicans.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
