I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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