I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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