you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
