Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
