About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
