thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
