Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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