those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
