I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I can't turn off my feet"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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