Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
