I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
