As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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