Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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