Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
