I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
