You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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