I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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