that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
