look no pants
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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