Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
