lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
