True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
