do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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