I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
