I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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