I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
