I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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