So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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