And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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