her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
