Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
