In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
this beer tastes like vomit already
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
