I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
