so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize