the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
MIDGETS
????
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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