I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
