Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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