I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
