It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
