I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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