She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
