I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize