Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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