I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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