Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
