we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
