He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
