She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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