But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
